Why Do I Seem To Be Getting Worse?
Undermining the ego’s thought system must be perceived as painful, even though this is anything but true. Babies scream in rage if you take away a knife or scissors, although they may well harm themselves if you do not. In this sense you are still a baby. You have no sense of real self-preservation, and are likely to decide that you need precisely what would hurt you most. Yet whether or not you recognize it now, you have agreed to cooperate in the effort to become both harmless and helpful, attributes that must go together. Your attitudes even toward this are necessarily conflicted, because all attitudes are ego-based. This will not last. Be patient a while and remember that the outcome is as certain as God.(T4.II.5)
If you are a student of pure non-dualism and you declare that you are going to get sober of ego thinking or have the psycho-child stop running the show, you can expect for all of the addict thinking, the psycho thinking, to come to the surface. You declared your intention to remove all of the blocks to your being in your Son of God Self and so any thinking that is blocking that goal will appear so that it can be dealt with.
Thing are not “getting worse”. All the wrong-minded thoughts and beliefs you have are simply being brought out into the light. Don’t panic. This is a necessary step in the process of mastery. You are detoxing of ego thinking and this seemingly “getting worse” is similar to the intense physical withdrawal symptoms that accompany any withdrawal from drugs or alcohol. Have you ever seen a drug addict going through withdrawal? You’ve got the DT’s. You are jonesing for some ego thinking, for some making it real. That’s good news. It means that you are on your way to thinking with your right mind and exclusively hearing the Holy Spirit’s Voice.